Last week involved a lot of mental gymnastics. Once I get over the 11-12hour weeks, I sometimes struggle with the additional time. I start worrying that I’m going to burn out or get overtrained.  I worry that I will break down and end up not healthy.  I am almost paralyzed by fear that I will get sent back to 2010 when 3 miles was a struggle and I lived from nap to nap.  I have a lot of workouts that I don’t feel like doing…so I just have to get up and say to myself: “do it.”  And a lot of workouts where I just have to continually reassure myself that I’m healthy now and that I can trust my coach.  But by the end of the week when my legs are tired, I start worrying that I’m slow and stupid for having dreams and yadda yadda yadda…

But seriously, last week, I had a mild mental breakdown on the bike.  I was struggling to go above 17mph and felt slow and silly and tired and…I almost got off the bike, threw it in a ditch and drove over it with my car.  I really really really wanted to.  Like really wanted to.

I even finished up and sent my coach a text that said “why do i suck so bad on the bike this year?”  As my coach talked me off a ledge, I was reminded that this year is really about slaying my demons.  I’ve become so obsessed with making it to Kona THIS YEAR, that I forgot what this year is about.  This year is about slaying my internal demons after three years of rough racing.  I’m healthy, finally.  And I have my first fully healthy year ahead of me to get well trained…to get well trained and see what is possible.  It’s likely that Kona is not realistic this year.  That’s ok.  You know what is realistic?  Slaying Demons.  Because did I tell you?  I’m Healthy.  It feels amazing to be healthy and to enjoy training (most of the time).

With the pressure off about making Kona (if it happens, amazeballs.  if not, it should be the goal next year after a good year of racing), I’m going to just focus on getting as fast as I can get.  But in the back of my head, I have this fear that “as fast as I can get” will fall greatly short of All American or of Kona material.  And that makes me scared and sad. A big part of me is too scared to try since I might fail.  That’s always been my problem.  I’m such a perfectionist that if I’m not great or the best at something I feel too ashamed and embarrassed to try.  I try to tell myself that as fast as I can get is as fast as I can get.  If it’s not as fast as I want, I’ll deal with that.  If it’s not as fast as everybody else, I’ll deal with it. But, my huge fear of failure is always there.

More on that later.  For now:  Just Do It…even if you suck.

So, for March 4 – 10 this is what I had going on:

Complete Planned
Total 14 hrs, 51 mins 15 hours 35 mins
Swim 4 hrs, 5 mins 12,800 yards
Bike 5 hrs, 51 mins 101 miles
Run 3 hrs, 35 mins 26.17 miles
Strength 1 hr, 20 mins

This is how I feel about 2 hour trainer rides:

photo 1

During 2 hour trainer rides, I keep dog treats in my bento box and when I get bored, I throw them at the dogs.

photo

While Scoutty waits patiently.  She likes trainer rides.  Trainer = Treats.

photo 3

Morning

Evening

Monday

REST!

Tuesday

Swim 3500yds, 70min Run 50min easy in pouring rain!

Wednesday

Trainer, 5min power intervals Swim 3700yds, 75min

Thursday

Trainer easy ride 105min

Friday

Run LT Intvls, 2X15min @ 7:15ish Swim 2100yds (bailed early)Yoga – 1hour

Saturday

Run Long – 11.75mi at 8:14/mi Swim 1hr continuous – 3500yds

Sunday

Ride Long 56mi at 17.7mph//Run transition 2mi @ 8:00/mi Core – 20min

Ending an almost 15hour training week with the two best things: Foam rolling and a pint of Ben & Jerrys.  (Yes, I ate the entire pint in one delicious sitting)

photo 5photo 4