I thought last week would bring some regularity to my blogging since it was a recovery week.  Turns out, I just used the extra freed-up time to do super exciting things like stay at the office late, mow my lawn, and nap.

So to recap, the past few weeks have been a lot of me looking like this:

And a lot of my bubby looking like this:

Recovery weeks are good in theory.  My legs were trashed, they needed a break.  My life needed tending to, too.  And, well, the bubby was pretty neglected.  So, again, in theory, all good. But, it was also a nightmarish forrecasting of what is to come post Ironman.

And, sadly, I knew this would happen.  I really did.

It’s happened many times before.  When I was a sprinter in high school, our 5 mile runs were my “oh my gosh i can’t believe I ran that long, I’m such a rockstar” long runs.  And then in college, I graduated to two-a-days and 8 to 10 mile long runs.  And then I ran my first marathon, and everything under a marathon seemed like cake.  Like no big deal.

And last week, I had about 8 hours of training to do.  And I was bored.  I mean not bored, really, because I have plenty of things that I love to spend my time doing.  But I was antsy.  I felt weird going for a three or four mile run and being done for the day.  I hadn’t worked myself out to the point of exhaustion and I felt…dare I say…lazy.

Yep.  8 hours of swimming, biking, and running, and I felt lazy.

How fucked up is that?

Pretty fucked up.  I get that.  I do.  Cognitively.  Unfortunately, I still feel that way, even if my cognition says “Pen, you are a crazy person.”  I can only imagine what it is going to be like after September 12.

I worry–and I know many of those close to me do too–that this insane level of working out that I’ve been doing this summer is going to become the norm.  Because, well, it is the norm for me now.  And anything less seems silly.  Like I will be out of shape if I just do half-ironmen next summer.

Even sillier? I don’t feel like I’m in that good of shape.  Yes, I am training my butt off (figuratively.  unfortch, not literally).  Yes, I know that I’m in better shape than 90% of the US.  But it doesn’t feel that way.  I don’t feel fast.  I don’t feel strong.  I just feel normal.  I feel like normal Penny.

I struggle to find someone to talk about this with because most people just dismiss it.  They say I’m being silly or they think I’m fishing for compliments.  And I SWEAR, I’m NOT.  I genuinely, sitting here on my couch, feel like I’m not in good shape.  I’m in normal shape.  I’m “in shape” as a normal person.  Not iron-person shape.  Hell, not even the great shape I felt I was in after the Chicago Marathon last year.

I guess the point is, I expect there will be a great deal of internal struggle post Ironman.  And also, I’m crazy.

Anyone else ever had problems with perspective?